♥~当下的心情点滴~♥

Hello...这一整年的blog似乎都是写关于我去旅行的点点滴滴... 9月的上海之旅已经是2017年最后一个旅行了, 没有旅行post了...

想写写自己最近的心情... 2017年已经来到尾声了, 24岁的我在人生道路中achieve了什么, 经历了什么...

亲情

差不多1个月回家1次吧... 家里还是最温暖最舒服的地方... 回家看看越来越爱吃的公公, 永远暴躁的妈咪, 越长越大的Bb, 还有我永远觉得可爱的狗狗...

每次觉得回家真好, 因为没有烦恼... 家人是爱我的, 他们不会给我烦恼, 只会解决我的烦恼...

回到家唯一的烦恼就是顽皮的狗狗... 整天出状况让我担心得要死...

有一次它们全部集体染病, 身心疲惫到9点多晚上就累瘫了... 那时人生中第一次有这样的感觉, 真的那种心累到什么都没有心做, 只想好好睡一觉, 什么也不想... 

还是有隐藏起来的伤痕, 今天他call我, 我怕, 选择了不接... 很久没有联络了, 说不想是假的, 可是要我主动去问候他, 想想被他伤的大家, 仍然做不出来...

Deardear跟我说妈咪在 Shanghai Disneyland 趁我走开时告诉他, 以后一定要常带我到美国去看她, 鼻头好酸... :$

以后家里会怎样我不知道, 可是不管怎么样, 我相信家里仍然是我最安全的避风港...

友情

这个hor... 有些些烦... 不知道为什么自己长那么大了, 还会经历那种中学生耍心机的桥段... 

有些朋友, 他们没有不好, 只是不适合... 有些朋友, 你用心想要保护, 却自己惹来伤害... 

只是学更会保护自己了, 不适合的不要再主动傻傻靠近让他们有机会再耍心机然后让他们看好戏; 那些幼稚害人害己的就能不见则不见吧... 

有时候不开心, 打开电话想找朋友, 却发现自己比想像中孤单... 在KL朋友真的不多, 而且大部分住超远, 真的想找也难...

我希望会认识更多朋友, 是知心的那种, 不是背后捅你的那种...

爱情

我们同居了已经超过1年了... 有时候会想搬出去, 因为觉得不想那么快住在一起... 

我怕他会理所当然, 怕他会闷, 怕感情会变成亲情... 我不想那么快有老夫老妻的感觉... 

他觉得我有忧郁症因为我想太多, 说我笨, 有好好的家不要住, 要搬出去住得不舒服...

有时候无聊上网找了找房子, 的确又贵又烂, haha... 念头暂时取消... 待我薪水高了, 再打算搬出去, 然后有自己的空间, 再养小狗...

感情怎么样, 有没有吵架... 其实我们不太吵架, 有小争执的话也永远同一个理由: 他晚上出去太多了... 他说他的工作和我们普通人不同, 团结对他的工作来说很重要, 所以一个电话来到, 大家都要在...

说真的我到现在还是不明白, 我觉得真正的朋友会理解你想要身体健康, 想要早睡早起, 所以不会觉得你留在家是不合群... 那种叫了你不出来你就是没有用, 就是不合群的想法, 我觉得超级无敌幼稚...

可能同龄的男生永远比同龄的女生幼稚, 这个说法我完全深深领悟到... 现在的我, 可以妥协他或他兄弟自以为成熟却幼稚到不行的作为, 因为他说他在为我们的未来打拼...

吵架的时候, 我会想: 一个人来到KL做工, 离乡背井什么也没有, 为的是什么... 难道是为了看你每次选择兄弟over我吗...

可是他总有一个杀手锏, 每次抛出那句话, 我就也怪不起来, 生气不起来... "我对你哪里不够好了? 想去哪里就带你去, 想吃什么就吃什么, 经济好或不好都是给你好的, 贵养你, 什么密码都给完你, 银行户口密码, 信用卡任你用, 为什么为你做的你都看不到..." 每次这段话一出来, 我当下的任性完全被折服...

我知道的, 我知道自己很任性, 而他却包容完我的任性, 再让我觉得自己并没有不好...

也是因为这个, 我会有想搬出去的感觉, 觉得自己太依赖了... 别人说在一起越久越不黏, 我完全相反... 现在是黏到个不行... 想要给彼此一点空间, 希望好好处理自己的任性, 希望不会让他觉得很窒息... 

除了他, 我不觉得还有其他人可以完全接受与包容我的缺点, 却还是一样的爱着...

工作

在这里工作了1年又2个月了, 其实我好想换工作... 每次看到电影里主角为了他事业的热情和冲劲, 我都会好羡慕, 因为我对于这份工作并没有那样的感觉... 

想要换工了, 知道自己想要什么了, 会努力的追... 

最近重新开了online店卖衣服, 生意不是很好, 可是我不会放弃, 万事起头难, 我会好好的继续加油, 相信有一天我会达到我为自己人生设下的小小目标... 

自己

曾经去算过塔罗牌, 觉得他说的很准... 他说我有很多想法, 却总觉得自己不行, 不敢去做... 要25岁了, 大家都说我还年轻, 有机会出国一定要去... 说实在的, 我想, 而且是很想! 可是在天秤的另一端, 平行的是他... 对我来说, 出国的机会和他是平等的, 一样重要的... 我不想因为其中一个而放弃了另一个...

原谅我缺乏安全感, 长久的远距离恋爱, 我没有把握... 不是对他没有信心, 而是他身边的朋友名声太臭, 而我相信近墨则黑的道理...

这个取舍, 不是现在会要做的决定, 可是总有一天它会来到, 而且我要面对... 那就把决定交给那个时候的我吧...

25岁了, 对我自己来说一点也不年轻了, 仍然是那个想要26岁嫁掉的决心, haha... 

好想好好地为自己的人生努力, 好想好想... 什么时候才会开始觉得自己有一番成就感... 

写这篇日记是希望5年后, 10年后的自己看回去, 会发现很多当下的感受和梦想已经在未来逐一地被规划好, 甚至是实现了...

给未来的自己: 看回这篇 27/11/2017 青春时的懵然, 希望你不只不要忘记自己的初衷, 而且要活得更好...

♥~变得更好 -启蒙~♥

致依妏:


曾经很不喜欢自己的华语名字, 因为感觉上这个名字有太多的污点...

有一个缺点, 就是当发现自己做错事情, 会变得非常内疚, 非常讨厌自己, 讨厌自己的名字...

现在没有人再叫我依妏了, 大家都叫我Cecilia, 而我也开始在对这个名字觉得厌恶...


~ 心事不要再随便到处说... 你要知道现在不是小学中学, 大人的世界总是比较复杂比较自私, 你身边的不是跟你从小玩到大的好朋友, 别人没有必要为了保护你而替你收密, 因为你并不是他的谁... 到最后害到自己害到自己爱的人, 为的是什么呢...

~ 当你明白“长大后才发现最想要的是回去小时候"这句话, 证明了你已经长大了... 最要好的朋友已经跟你有不同的生活圈子, 身边也周转着不一样的人, 很多心事不可能像以前一样随时随地告诉他们, 因为现在的你要诉说你的故事, 必须把很多生活中的小细节也交代清楚, 就算交代清楚了, 他们也不一定明白...

~ 现在的你, 连伤心难过该自己承受面对还是找人倾诉也要考虑, 才会怀念以前不管什么也可以放心地告诉最要好的朋友并不管怎样他们都会保护你...

~ 没有必要为了自己不在乎的人的举动而感到受伤难过, 因为需要你在意关怀的人太多, 何必浪费心力在并不重要的人身上... 也没有必要在乎别人的看法, 因为他们只会是你生命中不停留的过客... 少一个不重要的人没什么损失的, 至少爱你而且你爱的人都没有一个离开过...

~ 眼泪很珍贵, 不要轻易为了你不爱的人而流, 没什么, 只因为不值得...

~ 做错了不要紧, 懂得认错承认并改过就好... 人生中总会有被耻对的时候, 跌过才会懂痛, 伤过才会懂要改, 有高低起伏的人生才算是精彩... 现在的你可能认为这是低谷, 在时间催化后的未来, 你回首过去会发现其实真的没什么大不了...

~ 死去很容易, 活着才难... 如果现在觉得难, 证明你活着, 而且活得实实在在的...

~ 不怪谁, 要怪的总是自己... 怪自己太鲁莽没有顾虑后果, 怪自己太容易相信别人, 怪自己不听爱自己的人的劝告...

~ 觉得难过委屈是难免的, 可是不允许自己恨, 不允许自己去做同样伤害的事, 因为这样的你会成为此刻你觉得幼稚肤浅的人...

~ 还有好多事情需要你操心与顾虑, 别让不重要的人事物打搅你的人生, 因为你的人生太宝贵, 没有一刻的时间好让你浪费在这些芝麻绿豆上...

~ 不尊重的人, 一笑带过就好, 因为你知道你并不希望自己成为另一个他...


总结... 学会了吗?

♥~Traumatic Experience with Puppies(Must Read)~♥

Hello... First, I sincerely wish you read this because i hope to raise your awareness, in case you did the same mistake as i did...

Well... I'm writing this on the train, because I couldn't sleep & I figured this post is gonna be very long-winded, why not get some parts done while I have nothing to do right...

Am on my way to KL for job interview, just in case you wonder, haha... Ok let's get this started..

Actually I've been struggling whether or not to write this down because it brings up so many sad memories, and I've been thinking whether to use English or Chinese as this post is really important and serious for me... But now i guess you know both the answers...


12/8/16 Friday

As usual, mommy drove Bb to Ipoh for his English tuition while grandpa & I were gonna stay home for the night...

After dinner, I went for my bath & I heard kittens meowing... Was wondering where did the voices come from, but since there's always a few stray cats in neighbourhood, I didn't give much thought... It was around 7.30pm...

Was in my bedroom playing this singing app 欢歌 until mommy shouted :" Voonnie! Do you know Lexie gave birth already?" It was 11pm when mommy & Bb got home...

Rushed downstairs & helped... We knew Lexie was pregnant, but never thought the babies came so fast, was expecting at least one more week until she gave birth... Some of the puppies dropped into the drain & we had to use torch light to spot them then save them one by one...

Lexie was all panicked like she didn't know what to do... I was devastated, the kittens voices I heard earlier were actually the crying from these newborn puppies... Why didn't I bother???? They were crying for help for like 4 hours???? I blamed myself so so much for that, i still do...

There were total 8 puppies, 1 died, 7 left... I used hair dryer to blow them dry & we thought the puppies must be hungry, so we fed them HL milk as that's all we got...

I didn't understand why Lexie never barked or yelped before, while & after she gave birth... It could have alarmed us & we could have found out earlier & taken better care of them...

Was too naive to think those 7 puppies could all grow up together...

The next day, we went through a lot of hustles taking care of those puppies & the mother... Lexie was very protective over her children, she didn't react well when we touched them... Another thing was that she didn't know how to breastfeed them, can I use the word breastfeed because I don't think those were her breasts, ok forget about it... We tried to teach her to lie down, to let the puppies approach her nipples, but those puppies didn't seem to know how to suck as well...

Was trying to google newborns puppies care 101 but mommy told me not to disturb them, she said Lexie would do her job, it's in her nature... I was convinced & went for a nap...

"Jiejie, one of the puppy seems like wanna die already!" was what woke me up... Jumped out of bed & ran downstairs... Saw a puppy lying dead on the concrete floor... 6 left...

"The others don't look very good too... They are not moving..." "This one just vomited blood..." My mind went blank... The only decision that I could make was to take them all to the vet...

By the time we got to the animal clinic, I didn't know what to expect, I couldn't even take a look at the puppies... Another 2 died... 4 left...

The vet gave us reason that it could be the mother accidentally stepped on the puppies and caused internal injuries in the puppies, that would explain the blood vomiting... I couldn't care what others thought of me anymore & cried on the spot... Costed me this much to take a nap... The vet also mentioned that the others were very weak as well & asked us to go buy milk replacement, feed them every 2 hours, & to expect no sleeping at night anymore... Either you saved them all or watched them died one by one...

Did as the vet said... We separated the puppies from their mother for the night, I knew it was best to keep them together but there's no choice... Lexie was only 2 years old, she still behaved like a baby she didn't even know how to be a mother, she stepped on her poops all the time how could we never considered the possibility that she would unintentionally step on her children...

The 4 puppies left all had red noses & I googled to know that they were cold... Put them all in a box covered with unused clothes & towels... Saw they pooped quite a lot but the thing was they never had much milk to drink... Googled & found out they couldn't be fed human milk else it'll cause diarrhea... Crap, HL milk was another mistake...

I wanted to keep them alive, i was determined to do so... Did a lot of googling & slept in the living room for the night... Woke up every 2 hours to feed them milk through a syringe, checked on them from time to time to make sure they were warm enough.... In fact, I couldn't sleep at all... The puppies crying, Lexie barking, it made me so uneasy... I was a total ruin... Witnessed the puppies crying & suffering, knowing Lexie was all antsy & worried that her puppies were gone but she was trapped inside a cage & couldn't do anything about it, my heart broke...

2 of the puppies weren't drinking milk anymore, I tried to pick them up & feed them but they didn't seem to be drinking... What was worse was that I saw blood coming out of one of the puppy's mouth again... I saw it crying in pain, I was crying too... I caressed his head (it was a male) & told him it's ok, until the crying got softer & stopped... Another one died too... My heart stopped too, I couldn't find a word to describe my feeling back then, I was broken down, I was helpless, I was suffocating, I was traumatized, I was blaming myself so so hard... 

Why couldn't I be more prepared, why didn't I google how to take care of them earlier.. I could have save them, instead, I just gave 6 lives away...

Another 2 were better, they didn't need syringe feeding anymore, they learnt to drink from milk bottle... One of them was exceptionally active, it liked to hold the bottle with his little front legs while it was drinking...

The next day, we put them back together with Lexie & we took turn to watch them... To make sure Lexie wouldn't be stupid enough to step on them, to make sure the remaining puppies were still breathing...

Couldn't imagine how Lexie must feel... It took only 24 hours to lost 6 of her children... I apologized to her, to all the dead puppies... The remaining two were getting stronger, they knew how to find Lexie's nipples for milk, & they knew how to drink from it.. Lexie was taught how to feed them too...

But... We realized one was way more active than the other one... Was worrying if the other one could make it... Before we went to bed, we saw the less active puppy was lying still on the floor, i couldn't sleep at all, instead, I came downstairs & sat in the kitchen, peeking through the window to ensure everything's ok...

About half an hour passed, I saw Lexie kept licking the inactive one, I guessed I knew what happened, or about to happen... Already prepared for the worst but what came next was beyond what I thought... Started to hear some cracking sounds, which didn't sound like Lexie was licking, I peeked through the the window, what came into my sight didn't seem like he was licking as well, it seemed like Lexie was eating... I was startled, tuned off the light & ran back to my bedroom...

I hoped I was wrong & I googled if that's possible for female dog to eat their own dead puppy... Turned out it was uncommon but definitely possible... The reason was if the breed has wild nature in it, it ate its dead child to prevent other predator from coming & to provide itself more nutrient to ensure it could take care the best of the living puppy... Had a nightmare that night...

Hoped I thought wrong, hoped miracle happened which the puppy somehow got stronger again...

When I woke up the next day, I actually thought everything was ok for a second, since mommy didn't come wake me up or deliver bad news... I went to her, she said one of them was missing, probably dead & eaten by Lexie... My tears burst out before the words registered... & I told mommy what I saw the night before...

I couldn't face Lexie, I couldn't accept what she has done... I knew animal are bound to be some way different from human but I just couldn't... Didn't even dare to click on any video that people shared on Facebook because all I could think of would be those puppies were so alive & healthy while mine were all dead... Why my friend didn't really take care of those newborns, yet 5 out of 6 grew up healthy... Why I did so much, yet 7 of out 8 puppies were dead...

Everyone who knows me knows I love dogs... I witnessed they suffered, witnessed how blood were coming out form their mouth, how they were crying in pain, how they breathed their last breath, how the mother ate her own puppy... Those were all I could think of when I thought about dogs.. I was afraid... It felt like my heart was stabbed a thousand times... 

It took me around 2 days to overcome the fear... I wanted to take care of the only one puppy left, I wanted to make certain that it was ok... I saw how mommy & Bb were tired taking turn to watch them, I wanted to help... Even though everytime i looked at Lexie's mouth, the scene of  that horrible night popped out, I told myself i mustn't be a coward, it was all for the puppy...

Days went by, everything seemed to be back to normal, puppy was getting stable, Lexie was getting more mother like, we didn't need to watch them all the time already... It was time to name the puppy...

I named him Jacob after the werewolf in Twilight Saga... Because its gonna grow up looking like a wolf due to its breed, it has dark brown and black fur & because i love Twilight, haha...

(p/s: this is my just wake-up-haven't-bath-haven't-brush-teeth face... :$ )

There... Resemblance? haha...

Jacob grows up so fast.. I was there when its eyes opened for the first time, i was there when it learned how to walk... It was fabulous... Could tell its size getting bigger day by day... I love Jacob so much... I somehow don't wish to leave home for work so soon because i wanna be there when Jacob grows up, I don't want to miss any of its growing up process...

Now I'm in KL and i miss Jacob too much... When i get to be with Fluffy, Jacob wouldn't be with me, when i get to see Jacob everyday, i wouldn't be able to see Fluffy... I came up with a quote myself, haha... When i'm not missing Fluffy, i'll be missing Jacob; when i'm not missing Jacob, i'll be missing Fluffy...

A guy & a male puppy own all my heart, funny isn't it... My birthday is coming soon, usually i'll have 2 birthday wishes given to my family & Fluffy, the last wish will be for myself... Now i already planned that i'll have my last wish given to Jacob as i love it that much...

I'm mentally better now but more fragile at the same time as i couldn't afford the pain if anything bad happened to Jacob.. There was a night when i went to the kitchen for supper & i heard Jacob barking from the drain, i was shocked & asked Bb for help... Even though Jacob was alright & it was just being naughty, I couldn't shake pass the awful memories... Wanted to check on Jacob in the middle of night but i was afraid, it was like i was suffering from psychological trauma because the last time i checked on the puppy in the midnight, i watched it got eaten by its mom...

Wow...long post isn't it... The devastating memories will be craved deep in my heart forever, as a reminder to myself... Never treat lives casually, human's or animal's... Never do things when you couldn't afford the responsibility... I wrote it down as a cautionary tale to whom may be reading as well, to avoid tragic like this happens...

Oh yup, I definitely am not still on the train by this point, haha... I stopped when i talked about how i got rid of my fear, the topic was too heavy i needed to let my mind rest... & now i'm typing using Fluffy's laptop...

Thanks for taking your precious time to read until the end, i promise next post will be a happier one... :)

♥~Cecilly's 22th Birthday~♥

Just started my semester break yesterday & for the first time in these 3 years, i feel nothing, no elation, no holiday mood, because my sem break's gonna end tomorrow...Will be having internship in PJ for 3 months...Can't blame me for not feeling a single bit of relief... :(

Friends base in KL, you know what to do right? Haha..time to date me out for food hunting...Haven't been having good food for what feels like decades (am definitely exaggerating)... Am starving all the time during these exam weeks & all i want for now is a really really good meal, or maybe two, haha... :$

Before i move on to bits & pieces about my current doing, lets take a stroll down memory lane back to September, my birthday month... 

Celebrated my birthday 3 times for this year..First was at Lexis Hibiscus in Port Dickson...Had a short trip there with Fluffy & his friends, or should i say colleagues,erm... either way..They're both,haha.... So the girls kinda helped him to come up with a little pre-birthday surprise for me...

The story went like this...We had a little swim in that little in-room swimming pool & after that they sneaked into our room for decoration, left Fluffy & me wandering around with our swim suits on,haha... Fluffy let me had his phone then i was sitting in the sauna room playing TsumTsum... After awhile, even Fluffy was gone...

 Then i started to get suspicious, but mostly i was like: Ohh...i really needa take a shower i think i'm having a flu...They tried to drag the time a little bit then when they finally let me in...

Me:" Have you seen Fluffy? Where he is?"

YongYi:" I heard his phone's dropped into the pool & they're searching, you go & see..."

Me:" Huh..what??? But....his phone is with me..."

WaiHao:" Then i think its Marcus's phone..."

*The moment i figured out what's really going on,haha....*

So...i tried to stay calm, headed to the direction of the pool, drew the drape aside & hold my breath for what'd come into my sight behind that heavy drape curtains...

There Fluffy was...Holding a birthday cake standing in the middle of lighted hear-shaped candles..Haha, i was more of embarrassed than surprise...What touched me the most was their effort & goodwill to do all these for Fluffy and for me, given that i just met & knew them for 2 days...

Cropped Fluffy out because he didn't particularly look good in the picture... :$

16/9/15, Wednesday

2nd celebration was from my dear coursemates & my very besties from high school...

So my best of the best friend Winqi said she would come pick me up at 9pm...Was so anticipated because that meant i got to eat nice food,haha...When i was preparing myself, my doggie KiKi was barking non-stop...

For sure my first instinct was to go out & have a look, then guessed what i saw... Haha..my cute friends all gathered in front of my house & they were like:" Can you just go back inside & act like you never saw us just yet?"

Haha...another failed plan..Oppss, forgot to mention Fluffy was there too.. He came to spend my big day with me & conveniently joined their surprise scheme together... :$

& the first thing i said was :" I thought you said go out celebrate? I purposely leave my stomach some spaces for the food later, was so excited about the eating part...."

They're so used to the foodie side of me & we did go out for supper & some games...We spent a truly good time playing & laughing i wished we could do it again but i guessed that was the last time, since some of them were one batch earlier than the rest of us, & they just graduated... :(

Last celebration fell exactly on my big day, 17/9/15, Thursday

It was just Fluffy & me heading to Ipoh for dinner & movie maze runner the scorch trials...

Thank you everyone for leaving such good birthday memories to me, everything that you've done for me have become a keepsake that will always remind me how loved & lucky i am to have you all.. And of course for everyone of you who wished me through FB, wechat, whatsapp or text... The end----

Had a pretty rough week & couldn't really sleep at night..Its like all these conflicted emotions are wrestling within me...Wanna find a person to talk to, but i'm such an introvert i don't feel comfortable exposing that very inner part of me...But i guessed it all will end very soon...

The very recent incident that brightened me up was last night when i fell asleep reading Dangerous Deception... It feels so good to fall asleep reading your favorite book & i miss my reading day which i could just read all day, immerse myself into the story, have a little escape from the tiring reality...Another traits of being indoorsy, right... :$

Will be leaving my precious home for 3 months start from tomorrow, & here i am blogging instead of packing, haha...

The only thing i wanna move there most badly is the one that i couldn't: my bed!!!!!!!!

It feels like those time back in Taylor's college, what makes the difference is that now i am all alone... No cousin or friend living together, just me... Plus i get to drive in KL...Am really antsy about this as the roads, the drivers & the amount of cars in Kl & in Kampar are just.........incomparable... Let alone the fact that i can't read gps...

& i wanna thank my mom for preparing so much things for me.. Couldn't say it in her face so i chose to express my appreciation here... You know i really feel like go give her a huge hug for everything that she's sacrificed & done for me...

Our parents are the only people in the world who will always be in our corner & be the first to forgive plus accept, no matter what happens....They are indeed the greatest assets that we could have in our lifes.. Mommy i love you ok, even though i stop saying that to you in the process of growing up...

Ok....enough with writing, tada... :)      

♥~For Dear Dear~♥

Hello...首先循例上还是要update情人节的entry, can't afford to miss out or forget any moment that we've spent together...

14/2/15, Saturday, Valentine + 2nd Anniversary

一大清早就起床到fluffy家了, 可怜的我, 每次要去哪里, 都要预早起床, 因为去到他家还要至少半个小时把他叫醒... Deardear这天有特别听话哦, 好像是知道这天的意义重大, 只是吵他一下子就起床了...

买了monitor给他作礼物,一开始想要偷偷趁他还在睡觉时搬进去房间,让他自己发觉的... 结果不知道是monitor太重还是我的力气太小, 搬个monitor上楼也可以弄损手的... -_-

慢慢地打开房门, 当我正要把他旧的monitor搬走时,他突然开眼睛看着我... 装没事走过去说早安, 结果换来一句:" 我的礼物呢? 拿进来吧..." 原来我的眼神已经出卖我了... -_-

他说看到我一直望向门口, 太明显了... 是我的表情太容易read, 还是他太了解我, 不管什么事情, 我是不是不开心, 是不是生气, 是在想东西还是发呆, it always take only few seconds for him to realize...Not a good thing... ><

那个monitor呢...是我从他朋友口中知道他很喜欢的, he told me so but i still don't know if he really likes it...我的valentine present是我自己选的: a pandora charm...

这个valentine + anniversary是我们过过最简单最普通的... 2个人都没有什么plan, 一整天最期待的就是晚上已经买好票的movie : Triumph in The Skies,haha...

到Ipoh去have dim sum as breakfast, then we went to this place called Gunung Rang, 去看看山看看水, 看看deer & ostrich, 再拍拍照... 然后呢,我忘了...You see, that's why its important to have a blog... Its only been 2 months & the memory has already been forgotten... 我们应该是去shopping的, 至于去哪一间shopping center就真的忘了... Before going back to Kampar, we had an early dinner at this Japanese restaurant which its name i can't recall...

填饱肚子后就回家先休息一下下, 养足精神再到LFS kampar去实现我们一整天里最大的anticipation啦,haha... 可是我们都觉得the movie was beyond disappointing... Its like using the characters to perform a romance movie, 感觉上好像跟冲上云霄没有什么关联, 只是用他们的角色来演绎爱情片啊...

好笑的是我们这3年来在valentine看的movie都没有特别的好看or触动人心的... :$

最糟糕的就是我们2013的valentine movie了: 在一起... Haha, i was suggesting "I love HK 2013", but fluffy wanted to watch this, thought it would be more romantic, perhaps he thought it'd help him for the confession he planned after the movie,haha...

2014的valentine movie should be the best among these 3 years : Endless Love... Typical summer love story between 2 teenagers...

电影结束了, 我们的valentine & anniversary也就这样结束了... 不需要过的多么地奢侈, 只要每年的这天都有对方的陪伴, 已经是more than i could ever ask了...

好了...已经是week 14了, 倒数着我们分开的日子... 我实在想象不到到时我会是怎样的反应... 从相识到相恋, 这里就是我们的回忆啊... 要我怎么去适应没有你在的日子, 没有1519, 没有4076... 你搬回去kl之后, 感觉上所有东西都是假了, 除了回忆, 也就没有实体的东西证实我们的经历与感情了... 有想过继续租4076, 可是想深一步, 所有的东西都不会在了... 我得到的也只有空荡的房间和你那渐渐散去的味道...

他曾经问我,他毕业后我要不要养他的金鱼,我说要,他问我为什么...眼泪就在问题后的第1秒流出了,我说:"不要问我为什么...不然我要哭了..." 其实不需要问, 我们都知道原因了... 因为那4条金鱼的陪伴会让我觉得好像他在身边一样, 那就是实体证实我们恋情存在的东西了...

曾经有一段时间,我埋怨他不够时间陪我, 不关心我... 其实我知道是自己任性的, 他last sem了, 一定会比较忙啊... 但是自己就是不听话, 硬要发脾气... 我也不知道是我在生气他, 还是我在气着时间的流失... 总觉得好想每一天每一分每一秒都黏着他, 因为如果现在不珍惜, 以后就不会再有机会了...

我不知道要怎么习惯, 怎么适应... 我好怕我会忘记我们这一切的生活方式... 呆在他hostel里, 一起睡觉, 一起驾车出去买mummum, 一起看戏, 在房间里面玩... 好不想失去这一切...

他最近对我好好, 超级好的... 晚上我不能太夜回家, 他就会到我家来, 买了supper, 陪我看戏... 有midterm的话, 他就会来打机, 陪我读书...我知道他的时间都给完我了... 有时候我很好奇, 他是怎么迁就我的, 为什么可以没有怨言地满足我想要的...

今天早上去到他hostel后就倒头睡了, 我说了我好饿, 好想吃mcdonald  breakfast 可是好累好想睡... 他问我想吃什么, 然后就自己起身准备出去买回来给我了... 很小的举动, 很大的感动...

9/4/15, 他和他coursemate在他家办了bbq, 他坐上他弟弟的motor, 载我去兜风... 我1st time坐他的motor车尾, 我也不知道原来他真的会骑... 那种幸福, 难以形容...

对我好好,好好, 好到我自己也好奇他怎么办到的... 我自认我比他自私,他顾虑我的感受远远超出我对他的体谅和体恤... 前几天我们吵架了, 而且是他1st time发我的脾气, that was 12/4/15....

星期五那天,我睡得好熟好熟, 睁开眼睛, 他在打机, 拿起电话要玩injustice时, pop out的是他和另一个女生的conversation... 那个女生也是他的coursemate, 是在intern时候认识的, 因为他们被分去同一个department...

从他intern开始我就不喜欢这个女的, 一直超级介意的...看到是他主动找她谈天, jealousy rise to the max...后来知道原因是他要向她借notes,我还是心里很不喜欢...

而且他们的supervisor结婚了, wedding dinner invite 他们, 他还没有问我就告诉他supervisor说他一个人去... 当然啊, 那女的就问那可不可以跟他一起去... 就算是搭顺风车, 我看到了总会不开心啊...

然后我就很介意为什么他还没有问我可不可以跟他去, 就告诉他supervisor说他一个人呢... 他说因为他知道我不能去的, 所以就没有问... 其实我也知道我是不能去的, 可是我心里是很想去的... 如果他问我, 我一定会想办法哄妈咪让我去啊... 而且我想去的原因就是因为我不喜欢那个女的, 我想知道他经历的每一件事... 他intern的期间, intern的所有事情是我唯一没有接触过的... 我当然想跟他去, 至少我能见到他的colleagues, 感受那段我miss了属于他重要的其中1个人生经验啊...

他不明白, 他说是因为那女的要跟他一起去, 我才说我想去的... 然后不知道怎样了, 他很凶地骂了一句:" 为什么你要诬赖我!", 那时候的我很伤心, 很心痛, 哭到都哽咽了... 好久没有试过哭到哽咽... 最后他也就只是轻轻把我从地上扶起, 轻轻说了一句应该由我说出口的sorry...

伤心是因为他1st次发我脾气, 他那句"为什么你要诬赖我" 就像是1年前当他不喜欢我和1个coursemate谈天谈到半夜的情况一样... 同样的, 他和这几天前的我一样, 自己凭字句上捏造了自己认为是事实的道理, 我也和几天前的他一样, 在想为什么他要诬赖我, 为什么不相信我... 唯一不同的是我没有骂出来而已... 我们很少吵架, 每次吵却很凶,  原因都却一样: jealousy...

心痛的是因为我伤害了他... 他是怎么对你的, 他是有多爱你的, 其实你都知道的不是吗... 为什么你明知道却依然要质疑他呢... 否认了他为你付出的, 做的一切, 然后放大了一个你自认为是错误的错误... 一切都是因为你自己所缺乏的安全感... 你没有安全感, 你害怕有一天他会离开, 然后就神经质地对所有事情都特别介意, 特别敏感... 你对他的对你的好视为理所当然, 当他不小心做了1件你不喜欢的事情, 你就把它放大, 抹杀掉他对你的付出, 质疑他生气他...

看...我是多么糟糕的女朋友... 看见他1st time凶我, 心里好痛, 很讨厌自己为什么要这样伤害他...他为你所做的, 是你为他所做的一倍, perhaps more... 你曾经伤害过他的, 也是比现在你自认他伤害你的几十倍... 而你也知道伤害你的并不是他做的, 而是你缺乏的安全感和自信所造成的...

你对我太好了,好到我害怕有一天我的缺点会把你给赶走了... 我要的,你都给我; 我怕的,你就尽量不让我担心... 也不知道到底我哪里好了, 为什么可以得到比我值得拥有的还更加多...

你对我越好, 我越不舍得, 越不愿意放弃这每一天都能从你身上得到的幸福...

昨天晚上他在我家陪我读书, 然后告诉我第二天就要到朋友家去了... 之前每次考试前一个星期, 他都会到coursemate的家(在ipoh)一起闭关温习,直到考试时再回来...他说出口后,我什么也没有说, 就只是张开双手要抱抱, 然后抱着他,嗅着他的味道, 尽量让自己记住那个我最喜欢的感觉... 控制着不让眼泪流下来, 心里想着:明天他就要去走了,回来的时候已经考试了, 代表着今天晚上就是我们拥有的最后1个moment了, 这就是farewell了...

然后抱住怎样也不肯放开,直到他说他骗我的, 他没有去他朋友家... 听到之后那个开心的感觉is like从来没有试过的gratefulness... 他每次这样骗我, 就是要我感受那个失望后所得到的开心... 那种原来我们有比一个晚上还要多的时间的感觉, 不管我用多少的字, 都找不到适当的方式去fully describe...再怎么形容, 总觉得比我真实感受的还要在少一些...

本来想记录每个我感受到他对我的好的小细节, 可是却发现已经多到我忘了... 好吧, 当我再感受到的时候, 我就打开这个blog, 把每一次的都写进来... 这将会是你离开kampar后唯一可以让我留住我们曾经在这里所经历过的每一个瞬间...

♥~Dedication to My Doggy, Nana~♥

I am supposed to blog about all the happy things like how i finally get to be a tutor again after 1 year, or how was JayChou's concert... Instead, there's something far more important that i have to write about...

2 years ago...Mommy在一个大沟渠旁边发现了几只被遗弃的小狗,就决定捡一只回家养...

小狗回到了家里,是个母的,被取名为Nana...

刚开始的时候,它hyperactive的程度令全家人都拿它没办法... 开始生牙齿了,到处乱咬东西like鞋子, 报纸...每天早上打开门, 门外就会一片凌乱, 到处都是报纸碎...

而且还很顽皮, 喜欢玩花, 把公公花盆里的泥土全部都挖了出来, 气得公公说要把它送走... As long as i was there, its not gonna happen though...

看到了我们还会很兴奋, 一直摇尾巴, 摇得过度用力好像尾巴都要脱出来了一样... 还兴奋地跑向你, 然后不断地往你身上跳... Nana啊, 你知不知道我也好喜欢你这样黏着我, 可是你每次这样jump on me,你会scratch到我很痛...当我痛得呱呱叫, 它却以为我也很开心, 越跳越兴奋, 越跳越频密, 弄得我寸步难行, 结果整脚都被它抓伤了...像这样...

家里买了另一只German Shepherd, 叫做Lexie...Nana是姐姐, 常常欺负Lexie, 怕我们不再疼它了...

可是Lexie长大得太快, 半年不到, 已经非常大只了, 而且还很有分量, 远远超过了Nana的体重和身型...现在就换成了是Lexie欺负Nana, Nana也不够Lexie斗, 每次只好乖乖地坐在后面, 看着Lexie在我们面前晃来晃去, 看着我们把所有attention都放在Lexie身上, 自己被冷落一旁...可怜的Nana, 我最爱的还是你, 不要怕...

Nana慢慢长大了, 慢慢地也懂事了... 而且还在过程中发现了它的性格...

它是一只超级大吃的狗狗...不管你放多少的食物, 放得多么频密, 它总是可以一扫而空... 这一点我觉得有点像我...　:$

还有...它是一只笨笨的狗狗... 只要过了某个范围, 它就不会路回家了, 每次要bb骑脚车去把它带回来...

有一天, 外面下着大雨, 发现了Nana在门外, 进不来... 家人全部出去了, 门锁了, 钥匙不在, 可是我真的不忍心看着Nana淋雨... 自己撑了1把雨伞, 从后门走出去, 希望带Nana从后门回家... 狂风暴雨, 我自己也被淋湿完了... 带着Nana到后门, 就要它进来的那一刻, 它突然间跑开, 跑回去了大门等着被人放它回家...

看这笨Nana...它没有去过后门那里, 不知道也不熟悉, 所以就笨笨地跑回去大门等... 我没有放弃, 继续叫它, 带它到后门去, 可是每次一到后门, 它又是一支箭地跑回去前门继续淋雨等... 同样的process重复了大概5-6次, 我全身也就湿透了... 站在雨中无奈地为笨Nana感到心疼...

最后呢...雨停了, 家人回来了, 它才湿湿地回到家里, 我也浪费了大概半个小时, 然后徒劳无功, 自己白心疼一场...

看到我们驾车回家, 它也会很兴高采烈地直接站在路中间迎接你, 每次我就会brake and then: " stupid Nana! 如果是别的车车撞到你怎么办?" 有一次, 它还冲向Fluffy的车车,吓得fluffy立刻brake, 可是还是听到了撞到东西的声音... Fluffy一开始还不知道是谁家的狗狗, 直到看见我出门, 然后Nana进家门, 他就知道自己撞到的是我家最爱的Nana, 心想自己死定了... :$

阿弟把整个过程都看到了, 他说:" Nana冲向Fluffy的车, 然后擦过了它的身体, 之后Nana精神奕奕地会跳会跑, 反而是那辆车停在那里不会动了..." 笑得我都傻了...

然后呢...它还很爱撒娇, 很希望被人疼爱... 每次都会走到我们的身旁, 把自己的头钻到我们的手掌下面, 暗示我们去摸摸它, 疼它... 每次疼它的时候, 它就会乖乖地坐下, 然后闭上眼睛, 享受着我们的宠溺, 就像这样...

每次我坐在门口剪指甲, 它都会过来一直黏着我, 舔我的脚趾和手指, 打扰到我连剪指甲也要花很久的时间, 无奈的同时也觉得很heart warming, 不管它肮不肮脏, 就是可以让它这样乱乱舔, 过后洗澡洗干净一点就好了...

然后每次我坐在门口, 等着Fluffy来载我去学yoga, 它也会乖乖地走来我身边, 坐在地上就这样陪着我... 知道自己不可以进屋子里, 它也就乖乖地它进来一小步, 然后保持原位, 就呆在那里陪我, 像这样...

每次Fluffy很夜才载我回到家, Nana看见了, 也不会吠, 好像知道我需要它的帮忙, 会乖乖地替我隐瞒... 就这样看着我偷偷回家, 跟在我身后, 直到我关门跟它say goodnight...

半夜了, 肚子饿了, 到厨房去煮Maggie, Nana看到了, 也会慢慢地走过来, 静静地坐在那里摇尾巴, 陪我煮面...

贪玩的Nana有时候会在外面过夜不回家, 怎么叫它也不甘愿回家, 不管多么贪玩, 第二天早上总是可以看到它在家门口等着, 等着你开门让它回来...

以为会就这样一直有Nana在身边, 直到很久很久, 8年, 10年, 直到它老... 从来也没有想过有一天早上会看不见可爱的它在门口摇着尾巴等着回家...

昨天发现了Nana一整天没有回家了, 心里很着急, 全家人都开始担心了.. Nana不曾这样的, 就算贪玩, 它也走不远的... 我们在家里附近到处找了, 不断地叫它的名字, 就是没有回应...

Mommy晚上载我去教补习, 经过看到了2只狗狗在路旁, 叫mommy停车, 我下车慢慢地走向它们...虽然我近视, 看不清楚, 可是当它们看到我的approach而退后的那一刻, 我已经知道它们并不是Nana... Nana看到我怎么可能会退后, 它会迫不及待跑前来jump on me... 可是我还是抱着一丝希望, 叫了:"Nana?" 2只狗狗被我吓到然后跑开了...

心里一直好担心它会有什么事情... 我宁愿它是被家人抓回家了, 至少它还是活得好好的... 心里一直想: Nana还活着就好了, 不会路回家, 可是只要还活着就好...

一直到了晚上, bb过来告诉我已经找到Nana了, 可是它...了... 我试着强忍泪水, 把第二天flea market要卖的东西准备好, 可是眼泪却一直在打转... 最后还是忍不住崩溃大哭了... 我接收不到, 也handle不到...

好想立刻跑出去屋外看看它, 可是我怕... 我怕看到之后我会控制不了,也handle不了自己的情绪... 我好怕看到那个躺在那里不动的真的是Nana...

一直控制着不让自己流眼泪, 不然第二天眼睛会很肿, 我不要像zombie一样在卖东西, 把客人吓跑... 可是眼泪就真的停不了... 最后在一摊泪水中睡着...

第二天早上, 不出我所料, 眼睛肿得几乎开不到, 大眼睛一瞬间变成咪咪眼... 用手捂着嘴巴, compose好自己慢慢地走向我不想承认的事实...

当我看到了它不会动地躺在那里, 连人带心都碎了... Nana真的走了...

去到了campus, 成了walking dead... 尽量distract自己, 不让自己想起Nana... 可是当我回到家, 看到那个它离开我们的地方, 还是整个人趴在steering上哭了...

从小到大, 家里都有养狗狗... Nana是第一只我这么这么爱的狗狗, 它也第一只这么这么特别的狗狗... 为什么偏偏跟它相处的时间最短暂...

一直以来很希望以后有自己的家后要养一只属于自己的狗狗, 可是经历了这一切, I'm not so sure anymore...第一, 我不知道要到哪里去找一只可以代替Nana在我心中地位的狗狗; 第二, I don't know if i can endure the pain like this again, 我承受不了失去的那个伤痛...

我不要第二只狗狗了, 我要Nana而已...

最近Nana一直在太阳底下睡觉, 为什么当时的我只是想着狗狗难道不热吗, 而不是它是不是生病了... Nana hyperactive的, 最近它还是老样子, 蹦蹦跳跳的, 一点也没有生病or food poisoning的现象...而且家里的门一直都开着, 为什么它不回家, 而且...在那么隐秘的地方...

Nana, 是不是你知道自己要离开了, 不想让我们看到伤心, 所以自己躲起来了...

I didn't lose a pet, i lost a family...

Nana may you rest in piece....

♥~Cecilly's recent little story~♥

Hmm..my thoughts are all jumbled up...Have a lot to share & so many bottled up feelings yet don't know how to put them into words...

Ok...I'll try to categories them into a few sections...

Family

Erm...we don't really practice verbal expression of love at home, not me anyway...

It was when i was still in primary school, i used to tell mommy " I love you" at the end of a phone conversation when she was working in USA...

Used to give grandpa a birthday kiss back then too...

As i slowly grow up, its getting more and more difficult or embarrassing i would say, to show my love to my family through words or even actions like hugging and kissing...

My younger brother is so much different from me...There's one time when we were having dinner outside, he wanted to buy satay but then changed his thought after what seemed like few minutes...

Mommy was then nagging him about being such a girl...He simply answered: "You know why i don't wanna buy? Because i have no money with me & i don't feel like asking it from you..." Of course, it melted mommy's heart, like literally...

It's something i will never tell even that's what i'm thinking or feeling...I'll just: "Nevermind, i just suddenly don't feel like eating satay now..." 

Mommy always complain about me being not sweet enough, unlike my brother..She would be like: "People always say daughter clings to mother very much but look at you, you never care about me...Why don't you see your brother as a role model...Will you still remember me when you're married one day?"

There's another day...I wasn't quite in the mood & didn't talk much over dinner...Mommy then came into my room, tried to start a conversation with me, i simply frowned & answered in a cold tone...It was followed by 5 secs of silence, then she just walked away & shut the door behind her...

I felt beyond guilty i wanted to slap myself so hard...All i did was covering myself with blanket & cried like nobody else for what i've done...If it was my brother, he would have go to mommy & tell her he's sorry...I wish i could be more like him on this one...Whatever i'm feeling for my family, i just end up putting it all into tears which noone will ever see...

To prevent myself from making the same mistake, i even put an alarm named "Love Mommy" everyday at 7.30pm to remind myself not to be so bitter on her even when i'm emo...This is funny right, i knew it...

Had a pre-birthday dinner with family & fluffy on 16th of August...

Haha...fluffy and i made a joke of this picture..If we were all standing up, you would see how he's totally in a different gene pool because everyone's tall & slim whereas he's short & fat,haha..Well grandpa doesn't belong to the slim category but still, he's tall... :$

Not to forget to mention that my younger bro, AhDi, yup...the one who's good at showing his love,haha... He bought me an early birthday present... :D

He wanted to buy me a bag which i thought was a good choice...He sent me a picture of a pink bag through wechat & asked for my opinion...Haha, he always thinks i love pink so much that i want everything to be pink for me...My water bottle was chosen by him & those who go to the same class with me you'll see its pink, like hot pink... :$

I wanted something different, not pink at least...So we decided we would go to Parkson again & i would pick my own present, all AhDi needed to do was to pay for it as long as its below RM150... :$

Tada...This was originally RM200 something, it was on discount... :D

Even though its not my favorite brands Carlorino, Juicy couture or Kipling, i love it as much...Its something my younger brother get for me, its  priceless... :)

This Tuesday, 26th August 2014

When i was about to go out, mommy asked me to wait for awhile...I asked why for several times but she just ignored me & went upstairs....

Was thinking maybe she wanted me to drive her to somewhere..Spotted an angpao in her hand when she was walking down the stairs, then my mind was like :Ohh..she wants me to pass the angpao to some relatives perhaps...

She approached me, gave me the angpao, held my face in her hand & peck on my cheek, saying: "Happy birthday!!!"...Instead of thank you, "its today?" was all i could come up with...She answered: "Yes larr.."in a very soft tone, then i forgot if i did say thank you... :$

Felt so loved & i wish i can do the same to her on her birthday, give her a warm hug, kiss her to tell her how much she means to me...

Bytheway, i used "today is my lunar birthday" to threaten fluffy, erm...more like persuade i think, to follow my wish whole day,haha... For example,"today is my lunar birthday, you should wake up now & have breakfast with me...", "today is my lunar birthday, lets steamboat for lunch...", "today is my lunar birthday, i think you should make me an ice-cream bread..."

Fluffy

Erm...erm...i don't know what to say...Just i'm too afraid of losing what we have right now, the familiarity, the passion, the love...

He can always tell when i'm sad or mad, even the smallest trace of emotion never escaped his sight...Then he'll come to me and asked :"What's wrong" or "what are you thinking?"...Usually i'll try to deny & give him a "nothing"...He would never give up & continue :"tell me..." repeatedly...

This is something that i can never understand, my face is blank, i act normal & speak normal...How did he realize everything, its like he's supernatural & has this super ability to read my mind...Haha, just like Edward!!!!!!!!!

Asked him many times how did he manage to do this but he never gave me the answer i wanted to hear..Its always "because i know you", "because i love you", or "because you're not like the usual you"... -_-

We're about to experience the longest separation between us ever & i hate hate hate hate the thought of that... He's gonna be busy in a place where he belongs to; i'm gonna...well i don't know if i'll be busy..Its like we're gonna live in a life where each other doesn't fit..I will never understand how its like for him; he will never truly know how my days are treating me...I won't be there to celebrate his happiness or share his troubles & vice versa...All these are never gonna be able to be described fully in words or texts...

I'm scared that  this familiarity between us will fade away; am so worried this separation will drive us apart; am so worried one day he won't be able to read my mind like he always does, even though sometimes i find his super power annoying... :$

So many movies based on my favorite book are coming out & i won't be able to watch it with him in cinema, share him my every feeling & every thought on the story...

Just...i'm too get used to the life with him, we see each other almost everyday, do everything together... Can't bear the thought of doing everything alone... He said its time for me to learn to be independent & to be strong since he's not gonna be there for me when i need a shoulder to cry on or someone to confess my feelings to...

For your record, i'm pretty independent myself ok...Just that i don't want to...haha... :$

Ok..stop it before i get overwhelmed & cry...

So...we did a lot of things together..We watched tons of movies, in cinema or at home : the guardian of galaxy, lucy, cafe.waiting.love, the fault in our stars, step up, etc.. 

We visited some famous cafes in Ipoh: Indulgence, Secret Garden, STG, Patisserie Boutique, etc...I wanna go B&L but i heard the food choices are limited & their famous sandwiches are quite expensive...Also, we steamboat a lot,haha...I love steamboat...

& that day ,we went to Tesco partly for buying steamboat ingredients, partly for the soft toy machines,haha....

You know how this soft toy machine is usually specially designed to fail you from getting the stuffed toy with that impossible-to-support-the-weight-of-the-soft-toy of fragile claw...

Somehow, friends around me have been getting a lot of cute toys from the one in Tesco, especially Neneh,haha...It seemed so easy so i decided to go try my luck...

Haha...Fluffy, Ethan & i spent almost RM30 & we got nothing...I was so frustrated & what bothered me the most was people come & go happily with one or two stuffed bears in their hands while we stood there watching them in awe,haha...

I've been trying to claw a kitty in mint dress for myself few times continuously yet zero success...There comes a Malay lady, she tried one time, JUST ONE TIME & that kitty belonged to her forever... :'(

There's another kitty with red dress which no one has been able to get, me included...People tried like not less than 10 times yet the luck was just not there...I wanted to get myself one so badly i got freaking nervous on my last try...And guess what..............

TADA!!! My very 1st toy that i get from the arcade, somemore its Kitty... :D

Then i was like :"Aww...too bad it wasn't from you...."

Fluffly :"My brother larr.. I was controlling the claw, he came bossy & took over..."

Then we came to a conclusion that its from all of our efforts because fluffy put in the coin, then Ethan did the aiming while i pushed the button,haha...

Myself

Ok...I'm turning 21 in less than 20 days & i feel old already,haha...just kidding... :$

I feel mature, i know many of you don't agree with me on this but i really do feel more mature than before... :$

& i kinda don't wish it to happen...I want to be naive like before when i first entered college, i believed everything is good & nice, never thought of the bad side of other people... It was much happier to have such simple thought, less things to be worried.... Not that i think of other people's bad side now,haha...just...I was always happy before...Now i'm always overthinking & sometimes get sad for no reason...Erm...ok, I quite can't pinpoint on how i feel so i'll just skip this topic... :$

Erm...I'm planning on opening an online boutique, hopefully everything goes well & lets pray it will be happening real soon...

Currently selling football jersey & received a moderate response, not too bad but not as well as i hope..

Need to gain more sales to collect enough funds for my coming online shop...

Haha...i like this picture even though i look stupid & funny... :$

For those who're interested in getting yourself a football jersey, kindly contact me through my facebook...Definitely good quality with reasonable price... :)

Thanks for reading... Byebye... :)