Hello... First, I sincerely wish you read this because i hope to raise your awareness, in case you did the same mistake as i did...
Well... I'm writing this on the train, because I couldn't sleep & I figured this post is gonna be very long-winded, why not get some parts done while I have nothing to do right...
Am on my way to KL for job interview, just in case you wonder, haha... Ok let's get this started..
Actually I've been struggling whether or not to write this down because it brings up so many sad memories, and I've been thinking whether to use English or Chinese as this post is really important and serious for me... But now i guess you know both the answers...
12/8/16 Friday
As usual, mommy drove Bb to Ipoh for his English tuition while grandpa & I were gonna stay home for the night...
After dinner, I went for my bath & I heard kittens meowing... Was wondering where did the voices come from, but since there's always a few stray cats in neighbourhood, I didn't give much thought... It was around 7.30pm...
Was in my bedroom playing this singing app 欢歌 until mommy shouted :" Voonnie! Do you know Lexie gave birth already?" It was 11pm when mommy & Bb got home...
Rushed downstairs & helped... We knew Lexie was pregnant, but never thought the babies came so fast, was expecting at least one more week until she gave birth... Some of the puppies dropped into the drain & we had to use torch light to spot them then save them one by one...
Lexie was all panicked like she didn't know what to do... I was devastated, the kittens voices I heard earlier were actually the crying from these newborn puppies... Why didn't I bother???? They were crying for help for like 4 hours???? I blamed myself so so much for that, i still do...
There were total 8 puppies, 1 died, 7 left... I used hair dryer to blow them dry & we thought the puppies must be hungry, so we fed them HL milk as that's all we got...
I didn't understand why Lexie never barked or yelped before, while & after she gave birth... It could have alarmed us & we could have found out earlier & taken better care of them...
Was too naive to think those 7 puppies could all grow up together...
The next day, we went through a lot of hustles taking care of those puppies & the mother... Lexie was very protective over her children, she didn't react well when we touched them... Another thing was that she didn't know how to breastfeed them, can I use the word breastfeed because I don't think those were her breasts, ok forget about it... We tried to teach her to lie down, to let the puppies approach her nipples, but those puppies didn't seem to know how to suck as well...
Was trying to google newborns puppies care 101 but mommy told me not to disturb them, she said Lexie would do her job, it's in her nature... I was convinced & went for a nap...
"Jiejie, one of the puppy seems like wanna die already!" was what woke me up... Jumped out of bed & ran downstairs... Saw a puppy lying dead on the concrete floor... 6 left...
"The others don't look very good too... They are not moving..." "This one just vomited blood..." My mind went blank... The only decision that I could make was to take them all to the vet...
By the time we got to the animal clinic, I didn't know what to expect, I couldn't even take a look at the puppies... Another 2 died... 4 left...
The vet gave us reason that it could be the mother accidentally stepped on the puppies and caused internal injuries in the puppies, that would explain the blood vomiting... I couldn't care what others thought of me anymore & cried on the spot... Costed me this much to take a nap... The vet also mentioned that the others were very weak as well & asked us to go buy milk replacement, feed them every 2 hours, & to expect no sleeping at night anymore... Either you saved them all or watched them died one by one...
Did as the vet said... We separated the puppies from their mother for the night, I knew it was best to keep them together but there's no choice... Lexie was only 2 years old, she still behaved like a baby she didn't even know how to be a mother, she stepped on her poops all the time how could we never considered the possibility that she would unintentionally step on her children...
The 4 puppies left all had red noses & I googled to know that they were cold... Put them all in a box covered with unused clothes & towels... Saw they pooped quite a lot but the thing was they never had much milk to drink... Googled & found out they couldn't be fed human milk else it'll cause diarrhea... Crap, HL milk was another mistake...
I wanted to keep them alive, i was determined to do so... Did a lot of googling & slept in the living room for the night... Woke up every 2 hours to feed them milk through a syringe, checked on them from time to time to make sure they were warm enough.... In fact, I couldn't sleep at all... The puppies crying, Lexie barking, it made me so uneasy... I was a total ruin... Witnessed the puppies crying & suffering, knowing Lexie was all antsy & worried that her puppies were gone but she was trapped inside a cage & couldn't do anything about it, my heart broke...
2 of the puppies weren't drinking milk anymore, I tried to pick them up & feed them but they didn't seem to be drinking... What was worse was that I saw blood coming out of one of the puppy's mouth again... I saw it crying in pain, I was crying too... I caressed his head (it was a male) & told him it's ok, until the crying got softer & stopped... Another one died too... My heart stopped too, I couldn't find a word to describe my feeling back then, I was broken down, I was helpless, I was suffocating, I was traumatized, I was blaming myself so so hard...
Why couldn't I be more prepared, why didn't I google how to take care of them earlier.. I could have save them, instead, I just gave 6 lives away...
Another 2 were better, they didn't need syringe feeding anymore, they learnt to drink from milk bottle... One of them was exceptionally active, it liked to hold the bottle with his little front legs while it was drinking...
The next day, we put them back together with Lexie & we took turn to watch them... To make sure Lexie wouldn't be stupid enough to step on them, to make sure the remaining puppies were still breathing...
Couldn't imagine how Lexie must feel... It took only 24 hours to lost 6 of her children... I apologized to her, to all the dead puppies... The remaining two were getting stronger, they knew how to find Lexie's nipples for milk, & they knew how to drink from it.. Lexie was taught how to feed them too...
But... We realized one was way more active than the other one... Was worrying if the other one could make it... Before we went to bed, we saw the less active puppy was lying still on the floor, i couldn't sleep at all, instead, I came downstairs & sat in the kitchen, peeking through the window to ensure everything's ok...
About half an hour passed, I saw Lexie kept licking the inactive one, I guessed I knew what happened, or about to happen... Already prepared for the worst but what came next was beyond what I thought... Started to hear some cracking sounds, which didn't sound like Lexie was licking, I peeked through the the window, what came into my sight didn't seem like he was licking as well, it seemed like Lexie was eating... I was startled, tuned off the light & ran back to my bedroom...
I hoped I was wrong & I googled if that's possible for female dog to eat their own dead puppy... Turned out it was uncommon but definitely possible... The reason was if the breed has wild nature in it, it ate its dead child to prevent other predator from coming & to provide itself more nutrient to ensure it could take care the best of the living puppy... Had a nightmare that night...
Hoped I thought wrong, hoped miracle happened which the puppy somehow got stronger again...
When I woke up the next day, I actually thought everything was ok for a second, since mommy didn't come wake me up or deliver bad news... I went to her, she said one of them was missing, probably dead & eaten by Lexie... My tears burst out before the words registered... & I told mommy what I saw the night before...
I couldn't face Lexie, I couldn't accept what she has done... I knew animal are bound to be some way different from human but I just couldn't... Didn't even dare to click on any video that people shared on Facebook because all I could think of would be those puppies were so alive & healthy while mine were all dead... Why my friend didn't really take care of those newborns, yet 5 out of 6 grew up healthy... Why I did so much, yet 7 of out 8 puppies were dead...
Everyone who knows me knows I love dogs... I witnessed they suffered, witnessed how blood were coming out form their mouth, how they were crying in pain, how they breathed their last breath, how the mother ate her own puppy... Those were all I could think of when I thought about dogs.. I was afraid... It felt like my heart was stabbed a thousand times...
It took me around 2 days to overcome the fear... I wanted to take care of the only one puppy left, I wanted to make certain that it was ok... I saw how mommy & Bb were tired taking turn to watch them, I wanted to help... Even though everytime i looked at Lexie's mouth, the scene of that horrible night popped out, I told myself i mustn't be a coward, it was all for the puppy...
Days went by, everything seemed to be back to normal, puppy was getting stable, Lexie was getting more mother like, we didn't need to watch them all the time already... It was time to name the puppy...
I named him Jacob after the werewolf in Twilight Saga... Because its gonna grow up looking like a wolf due to its breed, it has dark brown and black fur & because i love Twilight, haha...
(p/s: this is my just wake-up-haven't-bath-haven't-brush-teeth face... :$ )
There... Resemblance? haha...
Jacob grows up so fast.. I was there when its eyes opened for the first time, i was there when it learned how to walk... It was fabulous... Could tell its size getting bigger day by day... I love Jacob so much... I somehow don't wish to leave home for work so soon because i wanna be there when Jacob grows up, I don't want to miss any of its growing up process...
Now I'm in KL and i miss Jacob too much... When i get to be with Fluffy, Jacob wouldn't be with me, when i get to see Jacob everyday, i wouldn't be able to see Fluffy... I came up with a quote myself, haha... When i'm not missing Fluffy, i'll be missing Jacob; when i'm not missing Jacob, i'll be missing Fluffy...
A guy & a male puppy own all my heart, funny isn't it... My birthday is coming soon, usually i'll have 2 birthday wishes given to my family & Fluffy, the last wish will be for myself... Now i already planned that i'll have my last wish given to Jacob as i love it that much...
I'm mentally better now but more fragile at the same time as i couldn't afford the pain if anything bad happened to Jacob.. There was a night when i went to the kitchen for supper & i heard Jacob barking from the drain, i was shocked & asked Bb for help... Even though Jacob was alright & it was just being naughty, I couldn't shake pass the awful memories... Wanted to check on Jacob in the middle of night but i was afraid, it was like i was suffering from psychological trauma because the last time i checked on the puppy in the midnight, i watched it got eaten by its mom...
Wow...long post isn't it... The devastating memories will be craved deep in my heart forever, as a reminder to myself... Never treat lives casually, human's or animal's... Never do things when you couldn't afford the responsibility... I wrote it down as a cautionary tale to whom may be reading as well, to avoid tragic like this happens...
Oh yup, I definitely am not still on the train by this point, haha... I stopped when i talked about how i got rid of my fear, the topic was too heavy i needed to let my mind rest... & now i'm typing using Fluffy's laptop...
Thanks for taking your precious time to read until the end, i promise next post will be a happier one... :)
