♥~Cecilly's recent little story~♥

Hmm..my thoughts are all jumbled up...Have a lot to share & so many bottled up feelings yet don't know how to put them into words...

Ok...I'll try to categories them into a few sections...

Family

Erm...we don't really practice verbal expression of love at home, not me anyway...

It was when i was still in primary school, i used to tell mommy " I love you" at the end of a phone conversation when she was working in USA...

Used to give grandpa a birthday kiss back then too...

As i slowly grow up, its getting more and more difficult or embarrassing i would say, to show my love to my family through words or even actions like hugging and kissing...

My younger brother is so much different from me...There's one time when we were having dinner outside, he wanted to buy satay but then changed his thought after what seemed like few minutes...

Mommy was then nagging him about being such a girl...He simply answered: "You know why i don't wanna buy? Because i have no money with me & i don't feel like asking it from you..." Of course, it melted mommy's heart, like literally...

It's something i will never tell even that's what i'm thinking or feeling...I'll just: "Nevermind, i just suddenly don't feel like eating satay now..." 

Mommy always complain about me being not sweet enough, unlike my brother..She would be like: "People always say daughter clings to mother very much but look at you, you never care about me...Why don't you see your brother as a role model...Will you still remember me when you're married one day?"

There's another day...I wasn't quite in the mood & didn't talk much over dinner...Mommy then came into my room, tried to start a conversation with me, i simply frowned & answered in a cold tone...It was followed by 5 secs of silence, then she just walked away & shut the door behind her...

I felt beyond guilty i wanted to slap myself so hard...All i did was covering myself with blanket & cried like nobody else for what i've done...If it was my brother, he would have go to mommy & tell her he's sorry...I wish i could be more like him on this one...Whatever i'm feeling for my family, i just end up putting it all into tears which noone will ever see...

To prevent myself from making the same mistake, i even put an alarm named "Love Mommy" everyday at 7.30pm to remind myself not to be so bitter on her even when i'm emo...This is funny right, i knew it...

Had a pre-birthday dinner with family & fluffy on 16th of August...

Haha...fluffy and i made a joke of this picture..If we were all standing up, you would see how he's totally in a different gene pool because everyone's tall & slim whereas he's short & fat,haha..Well grandpa doesn't belong to the slim category but still, he's tall... :$

Not to forget to mention that my younger bro, AhDi, yup...the one who's good at showing his love,haha... He bought me an early birthday present... :D

He wanted to buy me a bag which i thought was a good choice...He sent me a picture of a pink bag through wechat & asked for my opinion...Haha, he always thinks i love pink so much that i want everything to be pink for me...My water bottle was chosen by him & those who go to the same class with me you'll see its pink, like hot pink... :$

I wanted something different, not pink at least...So we decided we would go to Parkson again & i would pick my own present, all AhDi needed to do was to pay for it as long as its below RM150... :$

Tada...This was originally RM200 something, it was on discount... :D

Even though its not my favorite brands Carlorino, Juicy couture or Kipling, i love it as much...Its something my younger brother get for me, its  priceless... :)

This Tuesday, 26th August 2014

When i was about to go out, mommy asked me to wait for awhile...I asked why for several times but she just ignored me & went upstairs....

Was thinking maybe she wanted me to drive her to somewhere..Spotted an angpao in her hand when she was walking down the stairs, then my mind was like :Ohh..she wants me to pass the angpao to some relatives perhaps...

She approached me, gave me the angpao, held my face in her hand & peck on my cheek, saying: "Happy birthday!!!"...Instead of thank you, "its today?" was all i could come up with...She answered: "Yes larr.."in a very soft tone, then i forgot if i did say thank you... :$

Felt so loved & i wish i can do the same to her on her birthday, give her a warm hug, kiss her to tell her how much she means to me...

Bytheway, i used "today is my lunar birthday" to threaten fluffy, erm...more like persuade i think, to follow my wish whole day,haha... For example,"today is my lunar birthday, you should wake up now & have breakfast with me...", "today is my lunar birthday, lets steamboat for lunch...", "today is my lunar birthday, i think you should make me an ice-cream bread..."

Fluffy

Erm...erm...i don't know what to say...Just i'm too afraid of losing what we have right now, the familiarity, the passion, the love...

He can always tell when i'm sad or mad, even the smallest trace of emotion never escaped his sight...Then he'll come to me and asked :"What's wrong" or "what are you thinking?"...Usually i'll try to deny & give him a "nothing"...He would never give up & continue :"tell me..." repeatedly...

This is something that i can never understand, my face is blank, i act normal & speak normal...How did he realize everything, its like he's supernatural & has this super ability to read my mind...Haha, just like Edward!!!!!!!!!

Asked him many times how did he manage to do this but he never gave me the answer i wanted to hear..Its always "because i know you", "because i love you", or "because you're not like the usual you"... -_-

We're about to experience the longest separation between us ever & i hate hate hate hate the thought of that... He's gonna be busy in a place where he belongs to; i'm gonna...well i don't know if i'll be busy..Its like we're gonna live in a life where each other doesn't fit..I will never understand how its like for him; he will never truly know how my days are treating me...I won't be there to celebrate his happiness or share his troubles & vice versa...All these are never gonna be able to be described fully in words or texts...

I'm scared that  this familiarity between us will fade away; am so worried this separation will drive us apart; am so worried one day he won't be able to read my mind like he always does, even though sometimes i find his super power annoying... :$

So many movies based on my favorite book are coming out & i won't be able to watch it with him in cinema, share him my every feeling & every thought on the story...

Just...i'm too get used to the life with him, we see each other almost everyday, do everything together... Can't bear the thought of doing everything alone... He said its time for me to learn to be independent & to be strong since he's not gonna be there for me when i need a shoulder to cry on or someone to confess my feelings to...

For your record, i'm pretty independent myself ok...Just that i don't want to...haha... :$

Ok..stop it before i get overwhelmed & cry...

So...we did a lot of things together..We watched tons of movies, in cinema or at home : the guardian of galaxy, lucy, cafe.waiting.love, the fault in our stars, step up, etc.. 

We visited some famous cafes in Ipoh: Indulgence, Secret Garden, STG, Patisserie Boutique, etc...I wanna go B&L but i heard the food choices are limited & their famous sandwiches are quite expensive...Also, we steamboat a lot,haha...I love steamboat...

& that day ,we went to Tesco partly for buying steamboat ingredients, partly for the soft toy machines,haha....

You know how this soft toy machine is usually specially designed to fail you from getting the stuffed toy with that impossible-to-support-the-weight-of-the-soft-toy of fragile claw...

Somehow, friends around me have been getting a lot of cute toys from the one in Tesco, especially Neneh,haha...It seemed so easy so i decided to go try my luck...

Haha...Fluffy, Ethan & i spent almost RM30 & we got nothing...I was so frustrated & what bothered me the most was people come & go happily with one or two stuffed bears in their hands while we stood there watching them in awe,haha...

I've been trying to claw a kitty in mint dress for myself few times continuously yet zero success...There comes a Malay lady, she tried one time, JUST ONE TIME & that kitty belonged to her forever... :'(

There's another kitty with red dress which no one has been able to get, me included...People tried like not less than 10 times yet the luck was just not there...I wanted to get myself one so badly i got freaking nervous on my last try...And guess what..............

TADA!!! My very 1st toy that i get from the arcade, somemore its Kitty... :D

Then i was like :"Aww...too bad it wasn't from you...."

Fluffly :"My brother larr.. I was controlling the claw, he came bossy & took over..."

Then we came to a conclusion that its from all of our efforts because fluffy put in the coin, then Ethan did the aiming while i pushed the button,haha...

Myself

Ok...I'm turning 21 in less than 20 days & i feel old already,haha...just kidding... :$

I feel mature, i know many of you don't agree with me on this but i really do feel more mature than before... :$

& i kinda don't wish it to happen...I want to be naive like before when i first entered college, i believed everything is good & nice, never thought of the bad side of other people... It was much happier to have such simple thought, less things to be worried.... Not that i think of other people's bad side now,haha...just...I was always happy before...Now i'm always overthinking & sometimes get sad for no reason...Erm...ok, I quite can't pinpoint on how i feel so i'll just skip this topic... :$

Erm...I'm planning on opening an online boutique, hopefully everything goes well & lets pray it will be happening real soon...

Currently selling football jersey & received a moderate response, not too bad but not as well as i hope..

Need to gain more sales to collect enough funds for my coming online shop...

Haha...i like this picture even though i look stupid & funny... :$

For those who're interested in getting yourself a football jersey, kindly contact me through my facebook...Definitely good quality with reasonable price... :)

Thanks for reading... Byebye... :)