Thursday, 1/12/16 Rainy
Dear diary, its the first day of December & i'm sitting in my office instead of working in lab... Well, actually, i just got back from my lab...
There's nobody downstairs, the production department is pitch black, being the only person working downstairs just now, i had some time to meditate for awhile & i feel like i should write down what just came across my mind...
Received a devastating news this morning which one of our very experienced production worker just passed away... An accident took his life... That explained why nobody is working, everyone is at his funeral i guess...
I didn't really have much contact or communication with him because he put on this very fierce & serious face all the time & our work weren't very much related we didn't have the chance to speak to each other...
Still, the news got me so shocked & there's this uncomfortable feeling wandering inside me...
LIFE IS TOO SHORT & TOO UNPREDICTABLE TO NOT APPRECIATE EVERYTHING & EVERYONE AROUND YOU...
This is remarkably true, yet... its one thing to acknowledge, to actually practice your belief is totally another story...
I always remind myself, to appreciate, to learn to cherish... & i admit i failed so awfully over & over, now still...
Example: am such an introvert i don't really like to go wedding dinner or party or anything includes socializing, etc... * i'm weird and i know, Fluffy says i have depression all the time*
There was this day which my grandpa asked me to go to a dinner with him & i threw a little tantrum... I could have rejected if i insisted but i didn't... What stopped me from being a rebel granddaughter was that i knew there's gonna be a day when i regretted everything that i could have done but i didn't for my grandpa... That's why i went willingly in the end...
Sometimes when i was having a little argument with my mom *like last week, hehe*, i apologized afterwards even though i never thought it was my fault, partly because i'm the daughter, partly because my mom never admitted her fault it was useless to keep the i'm-waiting-you-to-say-sorry attitude around her, hahaha...
& then Fluffy... I can be a very possessive girlfriend sometimes & once he asked me :" why are you still angry, am i treating you not good enough?", i remembered all the things that he has done to me which i couldn't have done the same to him, all the guilt surfaced then i'll turn the angry girlfriend switch off & switch to the soft & gentle girlfriend mode....
Like i saw a news about the Chapecoense soccer team's plane crash this morning... Couldn't have the heart to imagine how it must have felt like to the family & friends... All too sudden & i believed they would have traded anything just to get a proper goodbye...
Felt so dreaded... That remorse about not treating someone better, not spending more time with them when you had the chance, its a burden & a mistake that you couldn't have shaken off through your whole life... Is it human nature to not realize how important someone is to you because you have taken them for granted, until death do you apart?
There had been a lot of cautionary tales around me which my friends lost their loved one or my schoolmate passed away... Every single tragedy happened around us is a reminder & also a lesson to put us in mind that do not regret or to realize how you could have paid more attention to someone whom you care about only after you have lost them permanently...
To me, to everyone who is reading... There's no forever, the eternal separation is going to come one day... Appreciate, Cherish, Treasure to the fullest NOW...
Wow.. This is so gloomy... There'll be a light topic for next diary, will be about my HK trip... Hope you get something good out this entry & hope i will be able to do what i've been reminding myself to do but not yet successfully have it done: Appreciate, Cherish, Treasure to the fullest NOW...
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